I once sang a song about motherhood in a musical called 'HONK!' in my beloved college days. I was a mere 19-years-young and understood my character about as well as I can see clear through mud.
"It's the joooooooooooy of motherhooood..." I sang confidently, "I'll do what any other mother would to try do do my best at bringing up miiiiiiiine."
I'm an awful actress so I'm sure I ruffled some duck feathers with my (ahem) outstanding performance. It was Oscar worthy, I'm just sure of it.
Fast forward 8 fast years....
Not much has changed.
I'm muddling my way through motherhood in the same way I managed my character in that musical. I struggled to hold it together then and I struggle to hold it together now. I struggled to portray Ida's mothering spirit in the musical and I struggle to keep a gentle mothering spirit now. There are moments when all is well and there are moments when I feel that lingering last string keeping my heart woven together slipping from my grasp. And I lose it. I lose it good. I lash out in frustration at my husband (sorrrrryyy!), I bury my hurt with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and I mentally curse myself for my inadequacies and gluttony.
But I have a hope.
You see, when I lose sight of portraying some grand character and just sit back and BE- not for the sake of anyone else but for freedom within myself, to bless my dear husband and to really *be* there for my precious child, the inner-chaos slowly fades and freedom is near.
When I allow my fears, my failures and my desires to fall at the feet of my King in Heaven, knowing His ways are greater than my ways (Isaiah 55:8), I can rest. When I stop striving and start living, I truly begin to embrace this ever-changing identity I carry, "Mama."
So fellow mamas, let's rest. Reeeeeaally rest in the faithful arms of the one who created us and be ever present as ourselves. Our children don't need perfect, they need you. The real you behind those glorious smiling photos you post on Facebook. Those moments are great. They're real too. Keep sharing them! But let's not lose ourselves or our purpose in the valley. Let's teach our children to cover our mistakes with grace and forgiveness and rest in it.
- Your fellow "Mama"
